Swamp Gas No. 1: Jan. 9, 2020

I’m curating an ongoing collection of strange Florida stories as inspiration for the project that’s now got my wheels turning. Sharing with you! Enjoy.

FLA. Confidential

UMATILLA – A man broke into a woman’s home, claiming to be a confidential informant for the Lake County Sheriff’s Office, before he shot her dog with a pellet gun and stole jewelry and cash. Deputies later found the man hiding in the back yard of a nearby home, where they recovered the stolen goods and also found a couple of pocket knives, a small bat, and crystal meth.

Who keeps a poop bucket sitting around?

OSTEEN – A woman in a trailer home doused her landlord with a bucket of feces. She told Volusia County deputies that the victim, a 65-year-old woman, tried to throw the bucket of feces on the trailer’s occupant as a means of eviction. Ultimately, the story changed, and she told deputies that she meant to grab a bucket of water to throw at her landlord, but accidentally picked up the poop bucket instead. 

Rambo: First Squawk

LAKE WORTH BEACH – Rambo cried “LET ME OUT!” and a neighbor listened, calling 911. But Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputies soon learned that the seemingly panicked victim was actually a 40-year-old parrot. Rambo’s owner explained to officers that he taught the parrot to scream years ago when the bird lived in a cage.

Attack of the toe sucker 

MANATEE COUNTY – On Christmas Eve, a man woke to find an intruder in his home, sucking on his toes. The victim punched the suspect, who escaped the scene after trying to fondle the victim’s genitals.

Duck-Duck-Dart

FORT MYERS – Someone shot a Muscovy duck in the head with what appears to be a blow-gun dart. The animal’s been seen roaming around Fort Myers. Residents and business owners have tried to round up the duck so it can get medical treatment. Muscovy ducks, although non-native under Florida wildlife regulations, are protected by an anti-cruelty law.

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Wes Platt

Lead storyteller. Game designer and journalist. Recovering Floridian.

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